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St George And The Dragonet |
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Stan Freberg |
Narrator:
The legend you are about
to hear is true
Only the needle should
be changed to protect
the record
St George:
This is the countryside
My name is St George
I'm a knight
Saturday, July 10th,
8:05 pm
I was working out of the
castle on the nightwatch
when a call came in from
the Chief
A dragon had been
devouring maidens
Homicide
My job, slay him
St George:
You call me, Chief
Chief:
Yes, the dragon again,
devouring maidens
The King's daughter may
be next
St. George:
Mmm-hmm
You got a lead
Chief:
Oh, nothing much to go
on
Say, did you take that
.45 automatic
into the lab to have
them check on it
St George:
Yeah, you were right
Chief:
I was right
St George:
Yeah, It was a gun
8:22 pm, I talked to one
of the maidens
who had almost been
devoured
St. George:
Could I talk to you,
Ma'am
Maiden:
Who are you
St George:
I'm St. George, Ma'am
Homicide, Ma'am
Want to ask you a few
questions, Ma'am
I understand you were
almost devoured by the
dragon, Ma'am
Is that right, dragon
Maiden:
It was terrible
He breathed fire on me
He burned me already
St George:
How can I be sure of
that, Ma'am
Maiden:
Believe me
I got it straight from
the dragon's mouth
St George:
11:45 pm
I rode over the King's
Highway
I saw a man
Stopped to talk to him
Pardon me, Sir
Could I talk to you for
just a minute, Sir
Knave:
Sure, I don't mind
St. George:
What do you do for a
living
Knave:
I'm a knave
St George:
Didn't I pick you up on
a 903 last year for
stealing tarts
Knave:
Yeah, so what
Do you wanna make a
federal case out of it
St George:
No, Sir
We heard there was a
dragon operating in this
neighborhood
We just want to know if
you've seen him
Knave:
Sure, I've seen him
St George:
Mmm-hmm
Could you describe him
for me
Knave:
What's to describe
You see one dragon, you
seen 'em all
St George:
Would you try to
remember, Sir
Just for the record
We just want to get the
facts, Sir
Knave:
Well, he was, you know,
he had orange polka dots
. . .
St George:
Yes, Sir
Knave:
Purple feet, breathing
fire and smoke . . .
St. George:
Mmm-hmm
Knave:
And one big bloodshot
eye
right in the middle of
his forehead and
Uh, like that
St George:
Notice anything unusual
about him
Knave:
No, he's just your
run-of-the-mill dragon,
you know
St George:
Mmm-hmm
Yes, Sir
You can go now
Knave:
Hey, by the way, how you
gonna catch him
St. George:
I thought you'd never
ask
A Dragonet
3:05 pm
I was riding back into
the courtyard
to make my report to the
lab
Then it happened
It was the dragon
Dragon:
Hey, I'm the fire-breathin'
Dragon
You must be St George,
right
St George:
Yes, Sir
Dragon:
I can see you got one of
them new .45 caliber
swords
St George:
That's about the size of
it
Dragon:
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
You slay me
St George:
That's what I wanted to
talk to you about
Dragon:
What do you mean
St George:
I'm taking you in on a
502
You figure it out
Dragon:
What's the charge
St George:
Devouring maidens out of
season
Dragon:
Out of season
You'll never pin that
rap on me
Do you hear me, cop
St George:
Yeah, I hear you
I got you on a 412 too
Dragon:
A 412
What's a 412
St George:
Over-acting
Let's go
Narrator:
On September the 5th,
the Dragon was tried and
convicted
His fire was put out and
his maiden-devouring
license revoked
Maiden devouring out of
season is punishable
by a term of not less
than 50 or more than 300
years
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